The Mirror

 “What is that?” She said. She was pointing at my left hand. I raised my palm in front of my face and stared at it.

“What do you mean? I don’t see anything.” I replied. I wondered what she saw that I didn’t.

“There!” She was pointing at the same hand. I still saw nothing. I began to think that she was just messing with me, so I decided that it was best to ignore her.

“You’re talking nonsense. Stop it.” I said flatly as I dropped my hand and sighed heavily.

            I sat down by the window and looked outside. The street was silent. There were no kids playing around. I wondered why. Then I realized that it was a school day. The kids were at school of course. Maybe I was the only one at home, sick. Yes, I had been sick. I think it was almost noon because I could smell the food already. My mom was definitely cooking. I couldn’t figure out what the exact food was but I could remember hoping it was pasta.

“Do you think that you can still catch up with the discussions? You’ve been absent for a long time.” She was lying on my bed. I really didn’t know why she was in my room nor what she wanted from me. Maybe she just wanted to piss me off. I was starting to get pissed off.

“Mom already called my teacher and told her that I was sick. She told my mom that she would just send me assignments and things that I could work on while I’m here.” I said calmly. I didn’t want her to feel that I was getting irritated by her questions. I said I wanted to ignore her, right?

“So did you start doing anything, yet?” She shifted her position on the bed to face me.

“No.” I didn’t look at her.

“Why not?”

“I….I feel like not doing anything.”

“Well, that’s just great. Your grades will also be nothing if you continue to do nothing. You won’t be able to graduate high school on time. Don’t you realize that? Just a few months more and you’re done. But you won’t be if you’re like this. Why are you being like this?”

Being like what exactly? I thought.

“Shut up.” I said.

She went silent but she was still there. She didn’t leave. I looked at the tree by the road. At first, I wasn’t sure if what I saw was real. I took another look. It moved. Something was there. Or someone. I saw its eyes! It was staring right at me. I felt panic overwhelmed me and hid myself by lying flat on the floor. What was that?! I called my mom. I didn’t move a muscle. I was trying to hold on to something but all that my hands could feel was the rough carpet beneath me.

“MOM!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was panting, gasping for air. Was that a stalker? Or a monster? Did it want to kill me? But then, I thought, monsters aren’t real, right? I closed my eyes and called for my mom again. She came rushing in and I saw the worry on her face. She crouched beside me and wrapped her arms around me as she tried pulling me into a sitting position. But I pushed her away because I was terrified that the thing would see me. She stumbled backwards but was able to balance herself before she would completely fall.

“There’s something on the tree.” I whispered.

“What thing?” From worry and fear, confusion started to become evident on her face.

“There. Outside. I saw something on the tree. It was looking at me. I’m scared!” I could feel my heart banging against my chest. Fear didn’t subside even if my mom was already there.

From my bed, she walked towards the window and looked outside. “There’s nothing there.” She said.

Mom stood up and checked outside the window as well. “There’s really nothing there, sweetie. Maybe it was just a shadow. You’re safe. No one’s going to harm you here.” She said to me gently but I didn’t feel any comfort at all.

I just looked at my mom. Stared at her. She waited for me to do something. I didn’t do anything. Silence filled the air. I glanced at the window and saw her standing there with her hands crossed just right below her chest.

“Would you like some food? I made pasta.” Mom said.

I nodded quickly. I was really hungry and I wanted to get out of my room. I didn’t want to see the tree ever again or maybe I would still see it because it was just right in front of our house but at least not on the same day. So we went to the dining room. Mom prepared a bowl of pasta for me. I started eating it. I was really hungry.

“What’s that?” Ugh. I almost forgot about her. She was there sitting in front of me. Mom was doing the dishes.

“What?” I said flatly. I didn’t even stop eating just to look at her.

She pointed at my left hand again. I sat up straight and lifted my left hand in front of me.

“See, nothing.” I started to sound irritated again.

“Is there a problem, sweetie?” Mom called from the kitchen.

“She’s bothering me, mom!” I replied.

It took a few moments before she replied. “Just…don’t mind her. Okay? Do you want more pasta?” I saw her appear by the kitchen door. I nodded happily. The pasta was really good. It was my favorite, of course. I started to get curious about my left hand. Why was she always pointing at my left hand as if something disgusting was on it? I saw the look on her face when she looked at it. But when I would look at my left hand, there was really nothing strange nor out of the ordinary with it, just the silver lines of scars that I got when I fell on a broken glass while playing in the living room. It happened a long time ago I could even hardly remember it. It was my mom who told me about it.

I continued eating and a bit later, mom refilled my bowl again. After I was done eating, I went back to my room. My mom assured me that I was safe. She left the door open “just in case”.

“You don’t really remember, do you?” I rolled my eyes when I heard that same annoying voice. I didn’t look at her this time. I was determined to ignore her, hoping that she would miraculously vanish into thin air.

“Last month. The two of us?” She took a few steps closer to my bed where I was lying down. I still didn’t reply. But what she said got me thinking. What happened last month that was so significant for the both of us? If it was that important, why couldn’t I remember it?

“Look at your hand. How do you think you got those scars?” She was referring to my left hand again.

“It was an accident. From when I was younger.”

“Who told you that?”

“Mom.”

She was relentless!

“Don’t you remember what you did?”

“Remember what exactly?!” I got really mad. I just wanted to rest. I wanted her to go away. But the more I tried to ignore her, the more she pushed me over the edge. I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to hit her on the face. I wanted to…..

“You tried to kill me. You wanted to kill me…..do you remember now?” Her voice was louder this time.

What she said didn’t make sense to me. How could I do that? I mean, I really didn’t like her but I couldn’t bring myself to actually hurt her.

“If I really wanted to kill you then why are you still here?” I finally stood up and faced her.

“Because you couldn’t.” She took another few steps closer to me until we were standing at arm length away from each other. “You couldn’t kill me. Because you and I are the same. You cannot take me away from you. I am a part of you.”

I got more confused that my head started to hurt. I cringed in pain and put my hand on the side of my head where it hurt the most.

“Stop it.” I said. I sounded more like I was begging. I didn’t want to sound like I was begging. “Stop it!” I said more firmly this time.

“Look at me. Can’t you see?”

“No!”

I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I really didn’t know what she was talking about. “MOM!” I called. My heartbeat was really fast. I wanted to run but for some reason I was frozen in place. I couldn’t move. “MOM!” I called again. I shut my eyes and shook my head quickly, desperately hoping that the pain would go away, that she would go away.

“Look at me!” She demanded.

I felt a sudden rise of anger within me and within a second of impulsiveness, I started to lash out, screamed, and I could remember wanting to hit her but when I finally hit something, I knew that it wasn’t her. I heard something shattered. I opened my eyes and I saw broken pieces of glass on the floor. I looked at in front of me where I expected her to be standing. But she wasn’t there anymore.

What’s in front of me was a shattered mirror. I looked at the broken pieces that were left. I recognized the face that I saw. But just when I was about to take a good look at the face that I saw in front of me, a group of men entered my room. There were three of them and all were wearing white. One of them held me tightly on my shoulder, the other one was holding my bloody hands and the other one was holding my legs. I was resisting but they were too strong for me. I cried and screamed until I got tired. I called for mom. I wondered where mom was. She told me I was safe here. She promised me.

And then, someone entered my room. It was mom. When I saw her, I felt relief, I was crying so hard and I felt so tired from resisting the grip of the three men that were holding me down. I repeatedly begged her to tell them to let me go. I begged all of them to let me go but the grip never loosened.

Mom sat by my side and held my arm. She looked at me and then I felt a sting on my arm.

“Ms. Judy, you’ll be okay, I promise.”